The Stag Do Rules

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?¦ Everyone knows there are stag do rules. But what, actually, are they?

Thou shalt not lose the groom

The groom is likely to spend most of his stag do drunk. I'm not condoning irresponsible behaviour here, you understand. I'm just telling it like it is. Man goes on stag do, man loses his sh*t for three days. And that means you're not allowed to lose him. Keep an eye on the stag at all times!

Thou shalt not get drunker than the groom

See stag do rule number 1. You can't keep an eye on the groom if you can't see.

Thou shalt not compromise the groom

Dude, he's drunk. Like, really drunk. You can't do stuff to him that will make his fiancee cancel the wedding. No photos of grooms with strippers, prostitutes, bare-breasted hens etc. When they say'what happens on the stag do stays on the stag do', this is what they mean.

Thou shalt not let the groom off lightly

Just because you're protecting his future happiness by not grassing him up for going'bbbblllllll' in a lap dancer's whammers, doesn't mean you have to let him off terrifying dares and stupid challenges. In fact, keeping the dodgy stuff away from his fiancee earns you the right to force the groom to do all sorts of embarrassing shit. Hey, he's drunk. He'll do anything.

When the groom drinketh, thou also drinketh

This is a tough one - but hey, no-one said the stag do rules were for weaklings. When he drinks, you drink. Just don't drink what he's drinking, or no-one's going to remember how to get back to the hotel.

The group shalt always sticketh together

You're on a stag do in a strange city and everyone's a bit mullered. Leaving stragglers to get fleeced in lap dancing clubs is not cool. The pack stays together no matter what. (OK, you can split up when you go to bed. No-one should have to see that many hairy arses in one room).

Social media shalt not be used

Beer plus social media equals the biggest transgression of the stag do rules possible: leaking information to the outside world. Hey, if they couldn't be bothered to come, they don't deserve to join in the fun. And if they've got boobies, they absolutely don't need to see. Put the phone down, and step away from the Facebook page.

What are your stag do rules? Let the chaps know on Facebook and Twitter!